I – Idiosyncrasy
Irving had one noticeable idiosyncrasy. He was a compulsive truth-teller.
Now, one might think, what is wrong with telling the truth? For the most part, nothing should be wrong. Being honest and upfront is a good quality; in most cases, one should strive to be honest and truthful. However, think carefully about how you might feel towards someone who is always truthful:
Scenario 1: If you had a child. What is their perception of the world? One in which there is no Santa Claus (Daddy said so); the same goes for the tooth fairy and the Easter bunny. Would they ever go in a car or any other vehicle when they hear the answer to their question, “Is it safe with everyone else on the road?” Similar to questions regarding anything that they might watch on the news.
Scenario 2: Relatives and Friends. It’s great to hear good things about yourself, and selective criticism can sometimes be very helpful in improving your behaviors. Now, think about what it’s like to hear the truth about everything you do and everything you are. In my case, there may be several things that relatives and friends might want to point out to me that I already know about myself that I don’t need to be reminded about.
Scenario 3: Work. Don’t you just love going into evaluations (as either the giver or receiver), and whatever negative traits or changes are needed in you or your behavior are blatantly the focus of those evaluations, regardless of whether the initial part mentions any good things you do?
These are the problems of associating with a compulsive truth-teller.
Growing up as a truth-teller makes it hard to comprehend that not everyone tells the truth, which leads to being tricked often.
Because of this, Irving grew up having very few friends. As a young child, he didn’t understand others’ reactions to him when he told the truth, even more so when he was taken advantage of.
As he got older and with many therapy sessions, he began to understand more about his compulsion and developed some strategies to protect himself.
He learned how to be tactful in his responses. For example, say, “Your uncle Hugo has sadly passed away,” instead of “Uncle Hugo kicked the bucket” when being the bearer of sad news to someone close to Uncle Hugo. or “This project has some potential for these people, but we need it to work for those people, too.” instead, “You’re developing this for the wrong people. You have to change it to work with our people.”
He learned to keep his answers to himself, both good news and bad. “If you don’t have something good to say, don’t say anything at all.” may sound like a good adage; however, if you only do that for bad things, then not saying anything signals bad news. So, staying silent for good and bad news only conveys that you’re antisocial, not critical. I’m not sure if that is a better position to be in.
Some people understood Irving: his parents and siblings, some of his teachers, and some colleagues. He did develop some friendships throughout his life who may not have all understood him, but accepted him for who he was.
He almost got married once, but when he discovered the woman he wanted to marry was a compulsive liar, he broke up with her.
And that’s Irving. His telling the truth certainly had numerous consequences, some good and some bad. But you are who you are. Nothing is going to change that.
I’m a storyteller. Would I lie to you?
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