I was asked to write an imaginary conversation with someone about an issue that is troubling me. These two personas have appeared in a lot of my writing. Keep in mind, their conversations have saved me a lot of money on psychotherapy.
HDH: Why is it that every time I have an issue that I need to flesh out, you show up?
Self: Who else knows you as well as I do?
HDH: That’s what you always say.
Self: Because it’s true. So what seems to be the issue this time?
HDH: Work, or lack thereof.
Self: And that’s a problem…You’re retired, you don’t have to work.
HDH: That’s the problem. I don’t have to, but I can’t just sit around and do nothing. I like doing things, being with people, working with kids. Besides the money I make certainly adds to improving my lifestyle.
Self: Why not travel, help the poor, volunteer, exercise?
HDH: One, I’m not fond of traveling, don’t mind being there, it’s getting there that’s the issue, ask my wife. Two, I tried the volunteer thing, that didn’t work out for me; Believe it or not, I have trouble dealing with strangers and didn’t feel confident that I knew what I was doing. And three, exercise? I’m not a person that can get myself up to do solitary exercises. I’m more of a team player. Of course, the teams I would have to play on now would have to be much older.
Self: So do the things you like to do. You substitute teach; that’s working with kids. You like to sing and tell stories which also involves kids and adults. You write; that involves communicating with other people.
HDH: That may sound good, but in practice actually being successful doing that is not as simple as it seems.
Self: In what way?
HDH: Start with subbing. Teachers like me in their classrooms as well as the students do. They like my experience and the things that I do that enable me to engage their class rather than just do busywork. However, classes are not all the same. A number of them are hard to work in, especially if it is a primary class. Plus, I’m restricted to their curriculum, which though I can approach it in a creative way, it can somewhat restrict the way I would like to teach. With more and more mandates that means less time to be creative for all involved including the full-time teachers. And being a “substitute”…well, remember how you behaved when there was a substitute in the room?
Self: But what about writing and storytelling, you love doing that and you have the creativity of your own thoughts and way of doing what you want.
HDH: You’re right there, I do love to write and storytell, but in those issues the difficulty is audience. As a writer, I want my work to not only be appreciated but reacted to. I do get that in my writing groups, which is great, but there is a much larger audience out there that looks at my stuff and says nothing. Since 2006 when I started publishing my blog I’ve had over 17,000 readers of writing I’ve done, from all over the world. Granted some of them are the same people but other than some Likes and Loves on Facebook, there are not many comments. It actually feels good when someone who reads something I’ve done says something about it or turns around and shares it with someone else. Readers of my writing that choose to share my work with others, though not a direct comment to me, infers one which does make me feel good.
Self: And storytelling?
HDH: Storytelling works when you have people who listen and respond to you. It works when fellow storytellers in groups I belong to listen and react. It works great when I’m subbing because the kids know me, request it and listen well. It works when the teachers in the classroom model listening also, which doesn’t always happen. There are times especially when I’m performing that the people that hire me, don’t even see my performance or when a group is getting disruptive, no adult present steps up to help; either they are not paying attention or assume that I’m the one who should be controlling bad behavior. Then it’s not fun.
Self: Finally, you’ve said it. In order for you to do the things that you want to do and feel good about it, you need to have fun doing it.
HDH: I guess so.
Self: So then go and have fun. Don’t do it for other people, they’ll get what they get from what you do. Do it for yourself. Remember, your greatest audience is you. As Mark Twain said, “Find a job you enjoy doing, and you will never have to work a day in your life.”
HDH: So I should do what I like doing and enjoy the fact that I like what I’m doing?
Self: Correct. If you get to play with some ideas as you teach, get an article published, get hired to tell stories at more venues where the audience participates in your telling and shows appreciation, that’s a bonus. Otherwise, just be yourself and have fun with it.
HDH: How come you’re so positive this time. You’re usually the negative Nelly and find all the holes in my arguments.
Self: Don’t ask me, you’re the guy writing all this stuff down.
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