Finding my brother – Part 5

Part 5

In the early 1970’s when I was teaching 6th grade, I was invited to one of my student’s house for dinner with her family. This was a very close knit family. They had a big house, with a pool table and ping pong table in their basement, and a number of musical instruments that various members of their household played. I stayed at their house until 12:30 a.m. playing games and music with the family. I would be invited to their house a number of times that year. The warmth and welcomeness of all the family members, from parents to kids, was incredible. I should have been happy when I got home, but I wasn’t. I was somewhat depressed. I thought about my own family and how though we lived together, we didn’t have that kind of warmth. My parents didn’t get along all of the time, We rarely sat and did things together. I remember calling up my sister Leslie after one of my visits and telling her how I felt and how I wish we had had that kind of family. Her reply was that someday I would, with my own kids and family. It was somewhat consoling but I was still sad about what I had missed.

 

I did grow up and have the close family that I wanted. My wife, my son, my sisters and their families have become that family that I missed having. I feel for my brother Franz and what he missed, never knowing his father; his mother dying when he was so young; the family that he could have been part of living an ocean away not even knowing whether he existed or not. He, too, had to wait for his own wife, children and grandchildren, his second wife and her children and grandchildren and now us to have a family that we all should belong to. In addition to when I met my wife and when David was born, Franz’s meeting with our family was one of the coolest things that I’ve ever been part of.

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snow thoughts

Snow Thoughts at all IMG_1004

I enjoy the solitude of snow.

To look out on a snow covered ground.

Peaceful, Silent, Reflective

Quietly shoveling the mounds of white

Thoughts gathered in my mind

A time to reflect on things past

or present

or thoughts of the future

 

A chance to close out the world of reality and become

One with the night.

Leave behind the worries, anxieties and expectations of others

To move rhythmically with each step.

The compacting crunch of each step I take

Listening for the grind of the shovel as it finally scrapes the ground

as snow falls gently upon the work I have done.

 

This is my time,

no TV, no books, no work

Just the night, the snow and me.

 

 

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Finding my brother – Part 4

Part 4

We had made contact with each other. The stage was now set. Between July 18th when I first responded to Cathy’s message on Facebook and about August 12 there were few e-mails back and forth. Cathy and Franz were on vacation, so access to the Internet and the ability to contact me was somewhat limited. I requested information about Franz such as “When was he born?” and whether I could get a scanned copy of the picture of my father and uncle just to make sure it was them. All messages that I received from them were in French which I translated (through Google Translate and other translation software) and shared with my sisters on a shared folder in Dropbox. On Franz and Cathy’s side of the ocean they were excited but originally seemed concerned that we would consider this an upheaval of our family. We quickly addressed that issue to allay all fears as we were very excited about this discovery and couldn’t wait to include Franz and his family into our own.

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Finding My Brother – Part 3.

My story of finding my brother continues through marriage, divorce, serious illness and a second marriage that will bring to him a connection to the father he never knew.

When Franz was 19 years old he met Monique at a dance and they began to go out together. One day Monique informed Franz that she was pregnant. Franz knew what it was like to grow up without a father and decided not to let that happen to his child. Franz and Monique were married in 1959. Shortly after that their daughter Olivia was born. Franz and Monique had a second child, Eric, in 1961.

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Finding my brother – Part 2

Having written the story of Finding my Brother from my side of the ocean, I thought it time to try and write the story of Franz from his side. Understand that most of this information has come from his wife Cathy through conversations and other text interactions with them both. I apologize ahead of time for any inaccuracies.

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Finding my brother – Part 1

I’m not quite sure when I first heard about my brother, it was either in late high school or college. My sisters had informed me that they thought my father had a child when he was in France named Franz. The only information I could ever find was a picture in my father’s collection that had the words “Your Franz” on the back of it. I’m not sure if the picture was of a woman or of a baby. I never confronted my father about this child, because I didn’t know if my sisters were just joking with me or not.

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Black Memories

My parents died many years ago. My father in 1982 at the age of 78 and my mother in

1998 at the age of 84. Both deaths were relatively quick; my father in a nursing home

and my mother at a hospital following a heart attack at my sister’s house. My memories

of the their deaths and the events surrounded them have passed over time into the dark

recesses of my mind leaving me with just the memories of the lives that they had led

and our times together. Continue reading

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Thoughts of growing old

When I was young I couldn’t wait to get older and do all the things that adults do. Then I got older and reality set in. I had to become responsible (not that I wasn’t responsible before); I had to make decisions that affected the direction of my life. In that regards I chose teaching as that direction. I’ve stated this before, my mother wanted me to become an engineer, my oldest sister was a social worker and my other older sister was a teacher. I sort of gathered all of that together, graduated from college with a double major in Education and Psychology and continued to have a fascination with math, logic and technology. I became a collection of most of my family’s aspirations. My father was a shipping clerk who at one time even had his own business, Walter De Paris, importing little knickknacks from France. His desire was to have a great professional sports athlete as a son. Though I liked sports and played them, the closest thing that I did to follow that dream was playing an ice hockey game at Madison Square Garden while in college and an indoor soccer game at Nassau Coliseum as an adult. I still watch sports.

 

I think more and more about the aging process. Continue reading

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The Keeper of the Lists

I had started keeping the names and classes students were in back in the late 1990’s when I was the teacher of the gifted and talented in our district. I found it useful when doing record keeping for testing in grades 3-5 that identified those students that would qualify for the program. The district did have a system on their network where secretaries in each building could input student’s names and who their teachers were in any given year.  They would printout class lists that way. I was given paper copies of those class lists and then made my own spreadsheet, using Excel. I was the keeper of the informal school spreadsheet.

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Growing up and finding stories

I grew up in New York City in the Bronx. We lived in a section of the Bronx called Riverdale. Now growing up I was always encouraged to say that I was from the Bronx not Riverdale. My sisters and I didn’t grow up poor, but we certainly weren’t similar to the wealthier people and better housing that Riverdale was known for. So growing up I was from the Bronx. We didn’t want others to get the wrong impression as to our status in the world. At least that is what I was told. If you want a job (as a teenager) say you’re from the Bronx. Which was like when I moved out to Long Island and was told “if you want a job say you’re a Republican.” Continue reading

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